Are you the type of person who likes watching the stimulating highlights over the real thing? Do you always want to get straight into the filthy action without any of the messing around? Do you like people going on and on about Charles Dicken’s no matter how incompetently?

Well Ultra Culture has recently solved your Christmas wishes with some red hot footage of Derek Jacobi’s exploits in one of the worst documentaries ever made; Charles Dickens’ England. And since it’s Christmas I think it’s high time you discovered it.

Throughout his ponderous whistle-stop and then stop some more tour of Charles Dickens’ life (featuring visits to London and numerous country idylls) our man Derek often comes off about as bumbling and inarticulate as Boris Johnson in a blender. Spending most of the running time wandering around with the forlorn bewilderment of a man who has recently misplaced his nipples one has to wonder how the hell this film ever got made, let alone released. You also have to wonder if Jacobi was having some sort of prolonged seizure throughout, that or a grievous miscarriage of judgement.

Watch as he watches things. Look as he looks at things. Laugh as he laughs. Gasp as he gasps. Gawp as he gawps. Read a biography of Dickens instead of watching this pile of self indulgent arse. It’s like watching Jacobi taking a nice warm soak in Dickens’ reflected glory whilst covered in the bubblebath of late career insanity. So the question is; why is it so funny?

If anyone was in any doubt as to why Charles Dicken’s England is often considered one of the worst films of the last few years here is the evidence. It’s plodding, it’s awkward, it’s self-satisfied, it’s quite frankly terrible, but d’you know what? It’s hilarious. And I wouldn’t have it any other way:

Earlier this year it was reported that Ralph Fiennes was to follow up his directorial debut with an Abi Morgan scripted adaptation of Claire Tomalin’s book The Invisible Woman and with last night’s triumph for Vanessa Redgrave at the British Independent Film Awards for her Best Supporting Actress win for Coriolanus it is being reported that Fiennes has found his leading lady for his next film.

Felicity Jones was rumoured to be in contention for the role along with Carey Mulligan, Abbie Cornish and Imogen Poots and now Baz Bamigboye is reporting that Jones has signed up to play Nelly Ternan, the woman with whom Charles Dickens had a relationship for the last thirteen years of his life.

2011 has been quite a year for Jones with roles in Julie Taymor’s The Tempest and Drake Doremus’s Like Crazy as well as making Chalet Girl better than it had any right to be and doing some great work in Niall MacCormick’s Albatross. No word yet on who Fiennes is looking to play Dickens but it seems he won’t be repeating his dual role from his debut feature and playing the role himself.

The film is set for release in 2013.

We’ve just been sent the first image of Jeremy Irvine as Pip in Mike Newell’s adaptation of Charles Dickens’ Great Expecations.

We recently saw Helena Bonham Carter as Miss Havisham and now we have a look at Irvine in his role as Pip. Newell is in the middle of shooting the film now and the cast is suitably impressive, along with Irvine we have Robbie Coltrane, Ralph Fiennes, Jason Flemyng and Sally Hawkins. Irvine will next be seen leading Steven Spielberg’s tear-jerker War Horse  David Nicholls has adapted Dickens’ classic tale and Newell arrives fresh from his recent blockbuster Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.

The synopsis looks like this,

Young orphan Pip is given a chance to rise from his humble beginnings thanks to a mysterious benefactor. Moving through London’s class ridden world as a gentleman, Pip uses his new found position to pursue the beautiful Estella; a spoilt heiress he’s loved since childhood. Yet the shocking truth behind his great fortune will have devastating consequences for everything he holds dear.

Here’s the pic,

Helena Bonham Carter seems to be able to pull off the Queen of Darkness look with ease – you only need to watch her performance as Bellatrix Lestrange in one of the Harry Potter films to see it – and it looks like she’ll be taking advantage of that in her upcoming role as Miss Havisham in Mike Newell’s adaptation of Charles Dickens’ well-known novel, Great Expectations.

The first images of Bonham Carter as the bride left at the altar in her youth, who has worn her wedding dress ever since through the succeeding three decades, have now appeared over at Deadline, and they’re pretty excellent.

As you can imagine, the look has a slightly Tim Burton-esque feel, with Bonham Carter in her darkened mansion, sitting by her desk, looking more than a little bit terrifying – if you were the young Pip, you’d be pretty damn nervous walking into that room.

BAFTA-winning director Mike Newell, whose credits include Four Weddings And A Funeral and Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire, is at the helm of this adaptation, with David Nicholls, writer of the novels of One Day and Starter For 10 (as well as their film adaptations), penning the script.

Alongside Bonham Carter is a pretty great cast that includes Ralph Fiennes as the escaped convict Magwitch, Jason Flemyng and Sally Hawkins as Mr. and Mrs. Joe Gargery, Robbie Coltrane as Mr. Jaggers, Ewen Bremner as Wemmick, and the young stars Jeremy Irvine as the protagonist, Pip, and Holliday Grainger as his love interest, and Miss Havisham’s adopted daughter, Estella.

The BBC Films-backed adaptation is due to come out about this time next year, with filming scheduled to finish by Christmas. Before then, we can look forward to seeing Bonham Carter collaborating once more with Tim Burton and Johnny Depp on Dark Shadows, due out on 11th May next year. Without further ado, here are the two first images from Newell’s adaptation. (If you want to see them in full size, you can click over to Deadline and click the individual images; the files are literally too big for me to upload.)

Ralph Fiennes is set to direct his second feature film, The Invisible Woman, based on the 1990 book by Claire Tomalin of the same name, which looks at the relationship between author Charles Dickens and actress Ellen Ternan over the last thirteen years of his life, the Daily Mail report.

Fiennes recently made his debut as a director, premiering his first film, Coriolanus, an adaptation of the Shakespearean tragedy, at this year’s Berlin International Film Festival, with a general release date scheduled for 20th January next year.

Meetings have already begun between Fiennes and potential actresses for the lead of Ellen Ternan, also known as Nelly, and the list is currently thought to include Abbie Cornish (Limitless), Imogen Poots (the upcoming Fright Night), Felicity Jones (Chalet Girl), and Oscar-nominated Carey Mulligan (An Education).

The Invisible Woman has been scripted by Abi Morgan, whose credits include the upcoming Thatcher biopic, The Iron Lady, and TV series, The Hour, which has just begun on the BBC. Tomalin’s original book charts the pair’s relationship following Dickens’ separation from his wife in his mid-forties, when Ternan was just eighteen, an actress for a play Dickens had co-written and was putting on the stage.

Though Fiennes both directed and starred in Coriolanus, it looks as though he will just be directing The Invisible Woman, and so we can look forward to the search for the actor who will play the famous novelist, twenty-seven years Ternan’s senior. Shooting is set to begin in the spring or early summer of next year, so there’s plenty of time to find the leading man.

Before then, Fiennes will be back in front of the camera filming the Clash of the Titans sequel, an adaptation of Dickens’ popular novel, Great Expectations, and the upcoming Bond 23 film, due out in October next year. Once he’s finished filming all of them, then work can get underway for The Invisible Woman.

Throughout the decades, Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations has been the subject of a number of film and TV adaptations (including Alfonso Cuarón’s 1998 visually sumptuous modernisation) and now under the guise of seasoned British helmsman Mike Newell, another version is in the works.

The Hollywood Reporter brings news that Newell is readying a new production of the classic in time for Charles Dickens’s bicentenary in 2012, following Screen Daily’s story of last week.

Great Expectations is the story of the orphan Pip, who lives on the English marshes with his sister and brother-in-law and (amongst many other exploits) ends of falling in love with adopted girl Estella despite the class and social differences.

Oscar-winning Stephen Woolley and Elizabeth Karlsen are the two producers onboard here. Newell’s last big screen offering was the somewhat different in tone Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.

Update: Video footage from outside the event by GeekTown.co.uk below.

Tonight the lovely people at Sky Movies HD invited us along to the World Premiere of Disney’s A Christmas Carol. This was no ordinary premiere as it boasts the largest premiere for a 3D movie, EVER! Greeted by fake snow falling from the sky and a huge stage with period carol singers, and Andrea Bocelli giving a breathtaking performance, we knew we were in for a treat. Not that I’ve been to loads, but this was by far the biggest premiere I’ve ever seen in London’s Leicester Square with the premiere taking over both the Empire and the Odeon Mezzanine. That totals 3013 seats, which alone is a huge number to fill on an opening night.

Once we found our seats, I noticed that we were literally in front of Eamon Holmes and Demot Murnaghan (British news broadcasters and breakfast hosts) who I was able to have a small bit of banter with before the movie began. We also found some treats on our seats in the form of mint Humbugs, keeping in with the spirit of the film!

Having seen the trailer on Saturday in 3D before UP, we were expecting good things. Were were right to do that? Read on to find out…..

The introduction to the movie was a good one, not least because one of my all time favourite directors was in front of me, Robert Zemeckis. He did make Back to the Future after all! Jim Carrey in real life was just as his on screen parts are, eccentric and larger than life but the audience loved it and so did I. It was the perfect introduction to the movie which all present were obviously proud of. I’ve videoed the intro which you can see embedded below.

A Christmas Carol is based on the Charles Dickens novel of the same name and although this story has been told more times that I’ve eaten hot dinners, anything directed by Robert Zemeckis (Back to the Future, Forrest Gump) grabs my attention immediately.

Ebenezer Scrooge, the Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future were all played by Carrey and I have to say that his performance(s) were excellent. I think Carrey is one of those people that you can love or hate but after watching this movie, you really begin to see how diverse he really is and all credit to him for that.

The supporting cast includes Bob Hoskins, Colin Firth (both of whom were present at the premiere), Gary Oldman and Robin Wright Penn. All of these supporting actors (who usually play leads in their own right) appear for a very short time, perhaps with the exception of Oldman who is in quite a few scenes. Wright Penn only has a few lines which seemed strange but I guess the power of Disney and the legendary status of Zemeckis means he can pull in these big named actors to perform even the smallest of roles. After all, whenever I see Wright Penn on screen, I cant help but think of Forrest Gump (sorry Princess Bride fans!)

Zemeckis seems to fast be coming the king of 3d in Disney’s arsenal, (Pixar aside) he’s been responsible for The Polar Express and now A Christmas Carol breaking new boundaries all the way. As I said previously, this evening broke the record for the largest 3d premiere in history and it was also announced before the movie that the record for the largest Carol Singing event also. That’s right! You heard it here first!

A Christmas Carol was a fun, perfectly made animated movie and actually was better than I expected it to be actually. The 3D helped bring a new (and literal) dimension to a story which has been told so many times before. Watching the movie in a room with kids dotted around the place was great – they laughed at bits the adults didn’t and visa versa. One thing that could be a problem for parents is that it’s actually quite scary in places. The audio in The Empire Leicester Square is usually cranked up to 11 and this might account for some of the jumps, but even so, this didnt stop the parent in front of us constanlty leaning over to the 5 kids she had with her checking that they hadn’t dumped their load… Cos Inearly did a few times! The fact you have ghosts and ghouls jumping out the screen at you in 3D takes it’s toll on the old ticker!

Watching this movie in November may have taken the Christmas edge out of it even with fake snow falling outside, but if you want to see a Christmas film this festive season then this is definitely one for you.

A Christmas Carol struggles to shake the stigma of a story which has been told many times before but Zemeckis’ version is definitely unique and well worth a watch. I’m certain that in a couple of years and then every year after that, this version will be on our TV sets every Christmas right alongside the Muppet Christmas Carol version. Make sure you see it in 3d if you can though and you won’t be disappointed.

A Christmas Carol is released 6th November, so not long to wait to see if you agree with me.